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Post by dodgesmammaw on Jun 24, 2016 21:50:07 GMT
Not all children marry well. So the thought of leaving estate to them does not sit well. We have been of the opinion that inheritance is not a God given right. What are other options?
We have discussed trust funds for grandchildren. Please share your thoughts ,ideas, and experiences.
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Post by shellymay on Jun 24, 2016 22:05:01 GMT
When the time comes we will sell everything, Purchase a motor home and travel and follow the warmth, when we can't do that anymore we will rent a small place and down grade to a really OLD truck, if we live long enough to not be able to drive anymore we will leave OLD truck in driveway ON EMPTY, (of course all funeral/burial fee's paid for) and we will pass away in the night and ALL the kids can fight over the OLD truck  |
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Post by Maura on Jun 24, 2016 22:41:50 GMT
I think it depends on what you leave. In your will, each child should have something, just to say you thought of them. If you are leaving a small amount of money, go ahead and divide it equally. If it is a large sum, decide how much the children should get and give the rest to charity. If you are giving a sizable amount to charity, let them know this.
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Post by Use Less on Jun 24, 2016 22:50:06 GMT
Timely  I made a simple will when I separated from the h, but I REALLY need to spell things out for the executor, poor thing. You are under no obligation to leave your estate to your kids or your grandkids. You don't need to leave equal amounts, either. You can stipulate funds to grandchildren and include provisos, presuming you have an executor/lawyer who will manage efficiently. You can make money to grandkids dependent on going to college and keeping their grades up, or name an amount to anyone who completes a degree, or does a given number of years of charitable or military service. I have 16 nieces and nephews. Guess what? The latest one to graduate HS didn't send a pic or an announcement, nor did his mother. The oldest nephew lives a half-hour from me, never inquired or invited me over when I (suddenly) fled my home of many years, and didn't invite me to his very recent engagement party. Nope, guys: not a nickel. Now that I'm done ranting, here's a couple practical things. There is a way to attach a list of who gets particular valuables and sentimental items that can be modified w-o having to re-address the whole will. My lawyer said stating percentages is better in many cases than stating dollar amounts. There are several organizations that I support with money and time now, and they'll be high on my list of heirs. |
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Post by horseyrider on Jun 25, 2016 1:03:45 GMT
Not all children marry well. So the thought of leaving estate to them does not sit well. We have been of the opinion that inheritance is not a God given right. What are other options? We have discussed trust funds for grandchildren. Please share your thoughts ,ideas, and experiences. You have many options. First, know that your estate and your possessions are your stuff; and you can leave whatever you please to whoever you please. It can go to family members or charity, but you must state your wishes. In our part of the country and in our circles, it isn't commonly accepted to leave large amounts of money to in-laws. These things go to blood, and then it's their decision to do what they will with their inheritance. It's common to leave a parent as a trustee for a child's trust; but not to leave that in-law parent any money. The way my parents did it, everything went to the surviving spouse. If both went, the children each were to get a fifth, and several charities and church get the rest. Of that fifth, the first half of their fifth was to be disbursed at age 30, and the second half of the fifth was to be disbursed at age 35. This was designed to give a young adult a second chance if they were impulsive or irresponsible with their gains, and that perhaps the intervening five years would bring them more maturity. I've done something a little different. I am leaving 50% to my younger daughter, and the remaining 50% to her sons, divided in half as my parents did. Since it'd be held in trust, the older boy has to wait until the younger boy reaches the correct age, to avoid a lot of grunt work for the executors. All my personal property is left to my younger daughter to keep, sell, or dispose of as she wishes. It'll be her stuff. My older daughter is a paranoid schizophrenic and an addict, and I have specifically excluded her. This has to be done as a part of the will, and you need to forbid any contesting of the will. I love my older daughter with all my heart, but giving anything of value to an addict, especially a crazy addict, is like giving them poison and a loaded gun. I cannot participate in her destruction, not even after my death. I urge you to talk to your attorney about a living revocable trust. This places your assets such as your home and savings in a sort of protected status. Your heirs will be able to avoid probate, which means the government does not take a cut. I don't know about you, but I'd rather leave my money and stuff to my loved ones or a favorite charity, not Uncle Sam. Living revocable trusts are run by you as the trustee, and are living in that you still run your own affairs and manage your money as you please, but with some safety nets. One of them is you can designate who you want to act for you in case you cannot. This is not just for old people; this is for anyone who has anything of value, people they love, and a desire to have your wishes followed even when you cannot speak for yourself. You can also designate a co-trustee if you wish. You can change and rearrange the terms whenever you wish. In addition you have a pourover will that outlines your wish that your estate be passed to the trustee of the living revocable trust. In my case, since I'll be dead, it'll be my daughter. If she dies or doesn't want the job, then my bestie's daughter will be the next Trustee. She is a person of the highest integrity with a huge amount of intelligence and a CPA. Assets such as 401(k)s and IRAs are usually written outside living revocable trusts, as they have specified beneficiaries. If it's a spouse, these pass directly without taxes; however, children and other heirs don't get that break. There are many charities and odd niches that need filling. Perhaps your style might be more like Warren Buffett's, where you leave a minor part of your estate to your children, and the vast majority to different charities. Know that you can give a certain amount to charity now tax free, as well as gifts to children, maximum $14K per year apiece. You can fund education for grandkids and get a nice tax break. You might want to give to a big one such as The American Cancer Society, your favorite public broadcasting station, or save a piece of inner city land to become a greenspace in perpetuity. It just depends on your assets, your wishes, and your dreams for what you'd like to leave behind. After that, know that these are just wishes, and not demands. We send our life's work forward when ours is done and hope it can do some good. But at that point we have to let it go. You might have an heir that will take their inheritance and blow the whole thing on fast cars that they systematically wrap around phone poles. Or you might leave it to someone who starts a business with an idea that lights up the world. Regardless, at that point it's no longer yours. Let it go, and rest in peace. You did your part. |
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Post by here to stay on Jun 25, 2016 1:49:22 GMT
My mother set up a living trust, named a sister to administer it and it went fine. Very little work. But you need to know the rules in your State of residence since they vary from State to State.
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Post by Mr DAVID In Wisconsin on Jun 25, 2016 2:38:35 GMT
Not all children marry well. So the thought of leaving estate to them does not sit well. We have been of the opinion that inheritance is not a God given right. What are other options? I have always liked and admired you. And think you smell nice also. Let me know if you need my name and mailing address. Well just in case... |
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Post by moldy on Jun 25, 2016 3:35:02 GMT
My biggest concern is what will happen with the land. The land we live on has been in DH's family for over 100 years. We have no children together - he has no children at all. I don't have a really good handle on how I feel about WHO should get the land. I just know I don't want the government to get any more than absolutely necessary.
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Post by richnc on Jun 25, 2016 4:19:26 GMT
My biggest concern is what will happen with the land. The land we live on has been in DH's family for over 100 years. We have no children together - he has no children at all. I don't have a really good handle on how I feel about WHO should get the land. I just know I don't want the government to get any more than absolutely necessary. I don't have any children, and no living relatives. At this point I am leaving whatever is left if I have to go to a nursing home, there probably won't be much left to the Nature Conservancy. |
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Post by farmchix on Jun 25, 2016 10:44:06 GMT
You could set up a family trust whereby everything stays in the trust no matter who they are married to.
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Post by Use Less on Jun 25, 2016 10:54:31 GMT
My biggest concern is what will happen with the land. The land we live on has been in DH's family for over 100 years. We have no children together - he has no children at all. I don't have a really good handle on how I feel about WHO should get the land. I just know I don't want the government to get any more than absolutely necessary. Are there nieces or nephews who would honor his wishes about his family land? Are there right-to-farm laws that would help transition the land w-o huge tax consequences? |
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Post by Maura on Jun 25, 2016 14:43:25 GMT
Moldy, talk to the kids and find out if any of them want the land. They may wish to sell it and divide the proceeds. But, I have seen the following generation hold on to the old farm or old cottage and use it as a summer vacation place. Some years it will be used for an annual family reunion and nothing else. Some people will use it for hunting. The forty acres behind me has gone to woods. Several people have asked to purchase it (I'd like to as well), but the family is adement about keeping it in the family, even though the current owners live out of state and never go there.
If nobody wants it, then hang on to it and if you need the money at some point, it can be sold. If at some point you can no longer stay on your homestead, you can create an income stream by renting the buildings and land. Do talk it over with your heirs.
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Post by here to stay on Jun 25, 2016 15:08:19 GMT
www.ccim.com/cire-magazine/articles/protect-your-assets-land-trust/?gmSsoPc=1Some local ranchers in our area use family land trusts to avoid probation. Some one runs the ranches and the profits are split among the heirs. There are occasional fights when some beneficiaries want to sell but others don't. Overall it seems to work for them but these are multi million dollar properties. One of my neighbors donated their undeveloped land to a city park. I found out when a surveyor came to my place to fix the new property lines that created new boundaries seperating their house and a few acres from the donated land. It gains them the guarantee of no development and drop in property taxes and a credit in other taxes whioe they srill live there.
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Post by mollymckee on Jun 25, 2016 15:35:20 GMT
My biggest concern is what will happen with the land. The land we live on has been in DH's family for over 100 years. We have no children together - he has no children at all. I don't have a really good handle on how I feel about WHO should get the land. I just know I don't want the government to get any more than absolutely necessary. How do your kids feel about the land? Are they close to your DH? One of our neighbor's was raised by the step father. He has been a very good steward of the land and has a son and grandson that are now working with him, so the land will stay in the family. |
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Post by moldy on Jun 25, 2016 19:27:49 GMT
My kids (that DH has helped to raise) are still teenagers. I don't think they know what they want. And when it comes down to it, the land is DH's not mine. Just hoping I go first - for many many reasons.
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Post by indypartridge on Jun 27, 2016 10:58:30 GMT
Not all children marry well. So the thought of leaving estate to them does not sit well. We have been of the opinion that inheritance is not a God given right. What are other options? We have discussed trust funds for grandchildren. Lots of good advice already given so I won't repeat. Just to add that DW and I have a blended family with 7 kids (hers, mine, ours). All the kids are mentioned in our will, not all will inherit, and amounts aren't equal. Our plan is to distribute any sentimental/heirloom 'stuff' long before we pass to children which may want/appreciate it. |
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Post by indypartridge on Jun 27, 2016 11:07:29 GMT
moldy, talk to the kids and find out if any of them want the land. They may wish to sell it and divide the proceeds. Yes. Sentimental attachment to land may or may not be an issue. A friend of mine sold the farm that had been in his family for over 100 years. I couldn't imagine selling it if I had been in his place so I asked why he didn't hold on to it - (other farmers had been renting the land for years, so it was an 'income' property) - but he had no attachment to it. For him, it was just 'added paperwork' and he preferred to have money in an investment account instead of land two hours away. |
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Post by mollymckee on Jun 28, 2016 22:30:05 GMT
One thing to think about is the relationship of your children after you are gone. Setting one against another by playing favorites is not a good idea. If there is good reason for leaving one little or nothing, drug use, abusive spouse who will blow the money on himself or something, then I would look at doing a trust for the grandkids with specific things, college, first house ect, or simply spend it myself.
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Post by jangirl on Jun 30, 2016 11:31:39 GMT
I like much of the advice given here. Horseyrider's post hits particularly close to home as our only daughter is also the same. We raised her only daughter, so she is more like a daughter than a grand, but we want to be fair to all. We won't have a huge estate, but this property will be worth something. One of the reasons we thought about a reverse mortgage. My parents didn't even have a house any longer when Dad passed, and what little they had went to Mom. She now lives with us and only has her pension and a few little possessions, most of which she has passed on to different family members who would treasure and keep them. Husband has a few guns, and our son and grandson will get those.
My aunt in California has a ranch that is worth millions and that is put in a land trust so it will always be farm land. Not sure of the legal details but her two children will share what she has, and I'm sure she's provided something for all the grands and great grands.
I don't want to give much to our dd as she has been a selfish, greedy person her entire life, and is now an addict also. I don't see that changing and don't want what we have worked hard for to go down the sewer.
Hubby's parents didn't have much except a worthless parcel in Florida (900.00) and their home, which was sold and each of their four children got a couple thousand after expenses. We all survived without a large inheritance, and are glad they all enjoyed the money they had while alive. Our parents helped us in times of need, and never wanted to be paid back, saying things like 'this is part of your inheritance'.
I think much good can be done to help your children and grands grow up to be responsible, and if they choose to toss that wisdom, so be it. None of us should put our parents in the poor house so we can have what they have earned to live large after they pass on, in my opinion. There has been enough arguing in our two families over trinkets that weren't given to specific people, while others that got them sold them and didn't value them. I don't know a good answer for that.
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Post by here to stay on Jun 30, 2016 15:06:55 GMT
I've heard of families coming to blows over small inheritances. So, if they are prone to feeling that they are 'owed' already, little you can do will change that.
Either they are the sort of people who want to get along in the first place and you should come to an agreement now or they are the sort of people who will scrap over things and you should simply do what you want and keep it totally to yourself to have peace.
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Post by KittyNC on Jul 2, 2016 11:15:05 GMT
Whatever you decide to do, please talk to your kids about your planning & where everything is. We went through my Dad's final illness & passing in the last 3 weeks and even though he once had everything together, as he got sicker he moved things around and lost insurance policies etc. We had to have him declared legally incompetent before the ins company would accept our power of attorney to even tell us what the long term care policy covered. All because he never put our names on the policy as being allowed to talk to the company for him. On top of losing our Dad, dealing with the results of his secrecy has made everything much worse.
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Post by jangirl on Jul 2, 2016 12:10:31 GMT
KittyNC, Now that is something I never thought of! Thank you for bringing it here. We'll get our son on the policies right away. I should have realized it as Mom has to add me to her Blue Cross policy as an additional person who can talk to them every year.
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Post by frogmammy on Jul 4, 2016 2:26:42 GMT
Just to note, yes you can give each of your children (currently) 14K, and you can ALSO gift their spouse that same amount. Makes for a nice gift!
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I made a simple will when I separated from the h, but I REALLY need to spell things out for the executor, poor thing. You are under no obligation to leave your estate to your kids or your grandkids. You don't need to leave equal amounts, either. You can stipulate funds to grandchildren and include provisos, presuming you have an executor/lawyer who will manage efficiently. You can make money to grandkids dependent on going to college and keeping their grades up, or name an amount to anyone who completes a degree, or does a given number of years of charitable or military service. I have 16 nieces and nephews. Guess what? The latest one to graduate HS didn't send a pic or an announcement, nor did his mother. The oldest nephew lives a half-hour from me, never inquired or invited me over when I (suddenly) fled my home of many years, and didn't invite me to his very recent engagement party. Nope, guys: not a nickel. 
