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Post by mogal on Dec 17, 2021 20:30:12 GMT
grannyg, how many likes can I give you? I've laughed so hard, I had tears running down my face. DH looked askance at me occasionally. I sent it to him but I don't know if he'll think it was as funny as I did.
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Post by mzgarden on Dec 17, 2021 20:52:06 GMT
grannyg - hahahaha, sob sob sniff, OMG, hahahaha
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Post by grannyg on Dec 18, 2021 16:41:17 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Dec 18, 2021 17:41:57 GMT
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Post by mogal on Dec 18, 2021 19:38:18 GMT
Not to give the impression I'm slow but it did take me a minute to "catch" it. Duh, MO! In my defense, I have several awls that I used when caning a chair or making a basket and none have a ferule like that one and the tips are different. Oh, well.
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Post by grannyg on Dec 19, 2021 19:27:04 GMT
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Post by snoozy on Dec 20, 2021 15:30:15 GMT
Q: My son won't stop chewing on extension cords. What should I do?
A: Ground him until he can conduct himself properly.
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Post by grannyg on Dec 20, 2021 16:17:22 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Dec 20, 2021 16:33:07 GMT
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Post by Daniel on Dec 21, 2021 14:28:42 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Dec 24, 2021 15:09:12 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Dec 26, 2021 16:51:20 GMT
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Post by bluemingidiot on Dec 28, 2021 17:38:02 GMT
Paraprosdokians
First time I heard about Paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify... " I answered " a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Sadly this is true!!! So.....
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Post by mogal on Dec 29, 2021 3:21:07 GMT
I particularly like #5.
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Post by dw on Dec 29, 2021 13:13:15 GMT
#15, my favorite!
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Post by mogal on Dec 29, 2021 15:41:20 GMT
Tell me. Is it going to be 2022 or 2020 too?
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Post by Rustaholic on Dec 29, 2021 17:36:18 GMT
mogal, I can tell you, It is going to be 2022 because that is what my calendar shows. I use calendars from our local old engine show and they go from September to the next September So when I flip this calendar soon it will be January of 2022 that is showing. I hardly ever use the last month of one of these calendars because next August I will get a new calendar and the first month of that one will be September 2022.
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Post by grannyg on Dec 29, 2021 18:33:25 GMT
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Post by Daniel on Dec 30, 2021 14:45:29 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Jan 1, 2022 16:18:18 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Jan 2, 2022 16:32:33 GMT
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Post by Daniel on Jan 3, 2022 13:01:29 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Jan 3, 2022 19:16:23 GMT
Daniel, I guess you can't read/
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Post by stickinthemud on Jan 6, 2022 2:27:13 GMT
Bubba Bob 3/2/08:
Little Red Fire Truck
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet and the wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the little girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
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Post by grannyg on Jan 6, 2022 16:56:33 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Jan 6, 2022 21:42:00 GMT
grannyg, You make me want to do this with my old 1944 mailbox.
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Post by grannyg on Jan 7, 2022 2:36:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Jan 7, 2022 14:40:00 GMT
grannyg , mogal , That old mailbox has been a blessing to me also. About twelve years ago on the night before Halloween somebody went down our road and put some piece of explosive in every mailbox. Every one of them had to be replaced except mine. That old beast of a mailbox is made from much heavier metal than any newer one is. Plus you do not want to hit it with your car. The post is a piece of a utility pole buried six or more feet in the ground. The box does not stick out much at all from the pole either. Just enough for the door to open. All I had in my mailbox was little bits of paper from the explosion.
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Post by grannyg on Jan 7, 2022 20:50:15 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Jan 8, 2022 17:25:15 GMT
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