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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 27, 2020 11:05:07 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 28, 2020 10:38:00 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 28, 2020 10:39:06 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 29, 2020 10:32:18 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 29, 2020 10:33:00 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 30, 2020 11:21:38 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Sept 30, 2020 11:22:37 GMT
This is the way I feel.
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Post by Tallpines on Sept 30, 2020 23:50:33 GMT
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET. THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY.
THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US: 1 - Never be arrogant. 2 - Don't waste ammunition. 3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4 - Always make sure you know who has the power. 5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
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Post by mogal on Oct 1, 2020 1:32:57 GMT
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?" THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO." A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET. THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON. THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS. THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?" THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO. THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US: 1 - Never be arrogant. 2 - Don't waste ammunition. 3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4 - Always make sure you know who has the power. 5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid. . Golly, Tallpines, how many likes can I give your story?
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 2, 2020 10:22:36 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 2, 2020 10:23:31 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 3, 2020 13:43:26 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 3, 2020 13:44:13 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 4, 2020 10:46:54 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 4, 2020 10:47:59 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 4, 2020 12:12:43 GMT
Normally, I wouldn't own a dog of this breed but somebody dumped a female mix that had just weaned pups at our previous home. Oh, such a skinny dog. She took shelter during a storm on our front porch and she was totally afraid but submissive of me the next morning when I spotted her. We fed her and decided to find her a home. The next day a man pulled up in my driveway wanting to paint our barn which was in need of more than paint. I'd come out the back door so had to stand my ground. At least where I was, I could be seen from the road by passersby but not from the back door if he should choose to follow me. Anyway, this guy kept getting into my space and I was looking for something to pick up with which I could defend myself. This skinny little dog, not even knee high pricked her ears forward and started walking towards the man. I told the man that she was a stray, obviously a pit bull and I knew nothing about her, he needed to watch his step around her. Immediately his focus left me and went to the dog. He repeated every word I'd said verbatim and with the same inflection. She continued to slowly walk towards him--no aggression, no growling. He started backing towards his truck until she was even with his front fender and he was in the cab. I waved good bye as he backed out of the driveway. When he was gone, I petted the dog, told her how wonderful she was and assured her she had a lifetime supply of dog food paid out one day at a time. She died in my arms of kidney failure seven years later.
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Post by susannah on Oct 4, 2020 15:14:28 GMT
mogal , your story brought tears to my eyes. How precious, and what a special gift that dog was!
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 5, 2020 10:46:07 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 5, 2020 10:46:50 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 6, 2020 10:55:25 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 6, 2020 10:56:26 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 7, 2020 10:52:23 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 7, 2020 10:53:20 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 8, 2020 10:44:07 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 8, 2020 10:51:03 GMT
Actually I carry a complete set of flat head screwdrivers in my pocket. You can buy your own set on eBay but it could cost you around eighty bucks. Anyone want to see a picture of it?
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 9, 2020 10:36:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 9, 2020 10:37:25 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 9, 2020 11:18:11 GMT
I won't unfriend you but I did groan. Are jokes still described as corny?
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 10, 2020 11:39:00 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 10, 2020 11:40:48 GMT
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