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Post by christie on Oct 10, 2020 23:33:46 GMT
Rustaholic, perhaps.. no religious ID on him/her..
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 11, 2020 10:39:04 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 11, 2020 10:39:53 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 11, 2020 10:42:19 GMT
Rustaholic , perhaps.. no religious ID on him/her.. christie, I really have no idea what you meant by this comment
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 12, 2020 10:45:20 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 12, 2020 10:46:15 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 13, 2020 10:41:07 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 13, 2020 10:41:51 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 15, 2020 10:43:01 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 15, 2020 10:44:33 GMT
Not funny but so very true.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 15, 2020 14:31:21 GMT
An elderly man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again he gets no response,
So, He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her and asked,… “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“James, for the FIFTH time, I’ve said, CHICKEN!,…” Said the wife
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 16, 2020 10:48:13 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 16, 2020 10:49:05 GMT
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Post by Tallpines on Oct 16, 2020 14:25:35 GMT
This one really tickles me 🤣
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Post by Melissa on Oct 16, 2020 14:45:30 GMT
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Post by Melissa on Oct 16, 2020 14:46:50 GMT
Sorry Tallpines, I meant to quote your post above and hit edit instead!!!
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 17, 2020 12:07:43 GMT
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. ‘Oh my, I am so sorry,’ the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. ‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,’ she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! ‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?’ ‘No,’ she replies. . . ‘You just happened to catch my eye.’
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 17, 2020 12:09:48 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 17, 2020 12:18:04 GMT
An elderly man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again he gets no response,
So, He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her and asked,… “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“James, for the FIFTH time, I’ve said, CHICKEN!,…” Said the wife DH has a 30% hearing loss in his left ear, 50% in his right ear. However he mutters with his back to me with maybe the TV or washer/dryer running and expects me to hear him. If I don't respond, he starts in about how poor my hearing is, how I need to get tested and maybe getting hearing aids. Well, I read this story to him. He figured out where it was going and started smiling before I got to the punchline. Incidentally his name isn't James. So, last night when I came in from feeding the animals, I asked him when he'd like to have dinner. He was watching the news so I projected my voice. No response. I asked again a little louder. No response. I stood right beside him and said, "What time would you like to have dinner, JAMES?" He caught it and claimed to have heard me the first time. Uh, sure, honey.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 18, 2020 11:22:54 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 18, 2020 11:24:33 GMT
I Know my Chiropractor's kids and wife are all well adjusted.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 19, 2020 10:57:55 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 19, 2020 10:58:53 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 19, 2020 12:03:11 GMT
I hate to think what that back seat is going to look like. I guess it would be worse if they were geese. I've had younger goats and sheep in the cab of my old truck and believe me, you get some looks going through a drive through. People try so hard to be nonchalant about it but usually fail that initial glance. Then there was the guy who asked me what kind of dog my diapered lamb was. Never did convince him what she actually was. Oh, well.
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Post by stickinthemud on Oct 19, 2020 15:40:32 GMT
mogal, think your lamb could have passed for a Bedlington Terrier?
Long ago neighbors had a pair who were often in front yard with no fence but they stayed there. Mom always called them "those lamb-dogs".
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Post by mogal on Oct 19, 2020 16:10:07 GMT
Stickinthemud, Ewenice had a very round face and upright ears and a rounder body that the Bedlingtons I've seen and the picture in the link. The guy who argued with me was definitely not the brightest bulb in the box. I showed him her pupils (horizontal, somewhat oval), her cloven hooves and her teeth--no canines, no upper incisors. She also BAAAed loudly when I stepped out of her sight.
Ewenice was a bum lamb, just a few weeks old when I got her. I took her to nursery schools and nursing homes where she was a huge hit until she was too heavy for me to boost into the truck. She was 16 years 8 months old when she died.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 20, 2020 11:05:09 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 20, 2020 11:08:02 GMT
Our dog would totally agree with these dogs. How about your dogs?
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 20, 2020 14:48:53 GMT
A second Grade Teacher Was Having Problems With One Of Her Students
One day, she asked Jimmy what his problem was and he replied, “I’m too smart for the second grade, my sister is in third grade and I am smarter than her.”
The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to him. The Principal him that he would test Jimmy and if he did not answer one question, he would go back to grade two and be quiet. The teacher and Jimmy both agreed.
Principal: “What is 3 X 3?” Jimmy: “9.” Principal: “6 X 6?” Jimmy: “36.” So, it went on like this. The principal asked him every question a third grader should know.
Finally, after about an hour, “I see no reason why he can’t go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right.”
The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Jimmy agreed.
Teacher: “What does a cow have four of that I only have two of?” Jimmy: “Legs.” Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?” The principal gasped, but before he could stop him from answering, Jimmy answered.
Jimmy: “Pockets.” Teacher: “what does a dog do that Man steps into?” Jimmy: “Pants.” Teacher: “What starts with an F and ends with a K and means a lot of excitement?” Jimmy: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a big sigh of relief and said: “Put Jimmy in the fifth grade, I got the last four questions wrong myself.” I hope this funny story made you smile
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 21, 2020 11:02:32 GMT
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