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Post by grannyg on Aug 6, 2021 2:17:33 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 7, 2021 19:46:58 GMT
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Post by Melissa on Aug 8, 2021 1:34:59 GMT
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Post by Melissa on Aug 8, 2021 1:37:14 GMT
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Post by Melissa on Aug 8, 2021 1:43:11 GMT
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Post by Daniel on Aug 8, 2021 14:19:44 GMT
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Post by mzgarden on Aug 8, 2021 15:57:19 GMT
Daniel, man, you might owe me a keyboard. I can't stop giggling. ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png)
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Post by grannyg on Aug 8, 2021 16:58:43 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 9, 2021 15:22:37 GMT
This cracked me up.....LOL ![](https://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/232104999_219595333436536_6478878495965045653_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-4&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=fV99MRpBSqgAX9uFfqF&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=298da58f4d52f4d4cf8ffaa81c7c493b&oe=61371E64)
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Post by grannyg on Aug 11, 2021 23:32:13 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 12, 2021 16:38:52 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 13, 2021 19:35:21 GMT
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Post by dw on Aug 13, 2021 20:43:56 GMT
Made me smile!!!
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Post by grannyg on Aug 15, 2021 20:43:29 GMT
![](https://scontent-dfw5-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/218184024_10221132890732457_2039208565409690633_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=MmS3t7yhtNQAX9i119n&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-2.xx&oh=25614384f8577c18c693fb1031f7b0bd&oe=613E2448) BORDER PATROL...
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Post by mogal on Aug 16, 2021 2:38:29 GMT
Yikes!
That reminds me of the time when I was maybe 10 and decided to show my cousins the corn crib. My Papa had a big black bull (sans horns like that guy) that came into the barn lot before I thought the herd would show up. My cousins escaped but I got to spend the rest of the afternoon "treed" in the crib with that bull standing in the doorway. He sure wanted to come in after me. Papa tried to keep a stern face when he rescued me but I saw him smiling to himself when he shooed the bull away. Regardless, I never did that again unless Papa was with me. Papa was the only human that bull respected. Everybody else? Well, look at the bull in the picture.
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Post by grannyg on Aug 16, 2021 17:38:58 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 17, 2021 14:50:01 GMT
During a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.” There was a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation. “Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and they were able to reconstruct the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, using wire to reinforce and shape it.” The men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably. “Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Phil.” The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”
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Post by oldone on Aug 17, 2021 20:40:16 GMT
I shot my diet coke right out of my nose reading that. I needed a good laugh but that is definitely the last time I will drink anything while reading these.
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Post by Daniel on Aug 18, 2021 13:00:20 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 19, 2021 1:41:31 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 19, 2021 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by Daniel on Aug 24, 2021 13:04:41 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 26, 2021 18:19:59 GMT
SPEAKING GERMAN IN TEXAS. In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population. One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond. The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh_t in it." The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English." The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
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Post by Daniel on Aug 27, 2021 23:41:52 GMT
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Post by Tallpines on Aug 28, 2021 17:10:34 GMT
Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.
It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
"If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"
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Post by Rustaholic on Aug 28, 2021 22:46:48 GMT
Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol! "Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. "If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!" That guy should have taken some lessons from me. My sweet wife really is my other half. We had our 45th anniversary on June 19 this year. I strongly adhere to the slogan, Happy Wife, Happy Life. Flowers, candy and a nice card for birthdays and such.
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Post by grannyg on Aug 29, 2021 17:36:25 GMT
A Mosquito trap. The mosquito lands on the salt, thinking it's sugar. They get thirsty for water, but the cap has rum in it. The mosquito gets drunk, trips on the stick and bangs its head on the rock. ![](https://scontent-dfw5-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/240725637_10225072994988104_4216861906328712575_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=LwhnGX94CtsAX_8RBkz&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-2.xx&oh=1165e1a52f98460b9c752b6cbc9477bf&oe=615243CC)
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Post by Daniel on Aug 30, 2021 11:59:07 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Aug 31, 2021 1:23:00 GMT
![](https://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/240660506_3008767416061793_5659285991705460282_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=rGlIJj8VgfgAX-7akFa&_nc_oc=AQk1xPxbXo_JRzRIYP86XEVJzrq2PXySZCc6CDNo45PtSwMhCSks-qAufvqC4AIZVN4&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=745acf1681a630304d48f4a83eb7f1e2&oe=6151BF36) Take the ivermectin they said……it’ll be fine they said??
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Post by mogal on Aug 31, 2021 1:30:02 GMT
![](https://scontent-dfw5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.6435-9/240660506_3008767416061793_5659285991705460282_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=rGlIJj8VgfgAX-7akFa&_nc_oc=AQk1xPxbXo_JRzRIYP86XEVJzrq2PXySZCc6CDNo45PtSwMhCSks-qAufvqC4AIZVN4&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=745acf1681a630304d48f4a83eb7f1e2&oe=6151BF36) Take the ivermectin they said……it’ll be fine they said?? Holy cow! If I saw that in a dream, I'd quit eating pepperoni pizza as a midnight snack! (Incidentally, I don't eat pizza as a midnight snack)
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