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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 21, 2020 11:03:10 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 22, 2020 10:39:59 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 22, 2020 10:40:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 22, 2020 17:47:32 GMT
Two tourists were driving through Texas. As they were approaching the town of Nacogdoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr, kinnnnngggg."
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 10:48:51 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 10:50:11 GMT
I really wish the people that make these things could spell words right. It is realized.
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Post by susannah on Oct 23, 2020 15:23:11 GMT
I really wish the people that make these things could spell words right. It is realized. Since I just saw the similarity today, I'd have to say I was 62 when I first realized/noticed. Yikes. 63 for when my husband first noticed it. Yes, today also. But he speaks for both of us when he further commented that while he watched Casper while growing up, he doesn't remember ever watching Richie Rich - nor do I. But we both had seen the character. I mean, we both would have known it was Richie Rich instantly. We just were way bigger Casper fans, apparently. Still, the resemblance is startling. While "realized" is the commonly accepted spelling in the US and Canada, it's often spelled "realised" in the UK, Australia and New Zealand. That might explain the use of the "s" rather than the "z".
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 18:50:46 GMT
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?” “Yes,” was his incredulous reply. She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it."
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 18:52:50 GMT
Funny Real Life Church Announcements
· “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.” "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus." "Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered." The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. There will be a meeting for those suffering from low self-esteem ~ please use the back door.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 18:57:42 GMT
This is me and this is my motto. God is my healer and provider. Walk and talk with Jesus all day and this is my way of living.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 18:59:55 GMT
“A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed. ‘Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.’” “God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book.” “He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dogs. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor; ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.” “At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.” The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, ‘Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.’” “The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, ‘My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.’”
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 23, 2020 19:06:15 GMT
How to Get Into Heaven A man dies and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter says to the man, "Here's how it works. You need to have one hundred points to get into heaven. You tell me about all the good things you've done. They are all worth a certain number of points. If your total is one hundred or more, you can come in." "Well," says the man. "I was happily married to the same woman for 52 years. I never looked at another woman. I was attentive and loved her dearly." "That's great," says St. Peter. "That'll be two points." "Hmmm," says the man. "This is going to be harder than I thought. Well, I attended church regularly, volunteered my time and tithed faithfully." "Wonderful," says St. Peter, "That's worth another point." "One point!" says the man. "Okay, okay. I was involved with a prison ministry for twenty-five years. I went into the prison, at least monthly, and shared Jesus with them." "Wow!" says St. Peter. "That's another two points!" "Only two points!" says the man. "At this rate, it'll be only by the grace of God that'll I'll ever get into this place." "Bingo!" says St. Peter. "That's one hundred points! Come on in."
This is another one that is not funny but it is a great TRUTH. Can you say Amen to this?
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 24, 2020 14:30:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 24, 2020 14:31:52 GMT
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Post by Woodpecker on Oct 24, 2020 18:33:25 GMT
AMEN!🙌
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 25, 2020 10:49:29 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 25, 2020 10:50:23 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 26, 2020 10:42:02 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 26, 2020 10:43:13 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 27, 2020 11:32:24 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 27, 2020 11:34:11 GMT
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Post by susannah on Oct 27, 2020 14:31:22 GMT
If only there was such a GPS. I need one for in my house. I am forever going into a room, stopping short and saying "What did I want from here?" Of course, for me it's not just a senior moment thing. I've been doing this for a number of years. It was particularly frustrating when we lived in a three level house. But I did get a lot of extra exercise.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 28, 2020 10:59:02 GMT
Maybe for minnows.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 28, 2020 10:59:43 GMT
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Post by Tallpines on Oct 29, 2020 5:02:27 GMT
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this? Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Sounds to me like she's....... ......been.....sweeping around!!!..
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan. Life's too short not to enjoy...
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Post by mogal on Oct 29, 2020 11:08:39 GMT
Tallpines, is it okay if I did both groan and laugh? Good one.
To understand this joke, you have to know one fact: At one time there was a famous broadcaster named LOWELL THOMAS. Look him up if you don't believe me.
Anyway, the story goes that two potatoes married and had a beautiful little daughter. When she grew up, she met and wanted to marry Lowell Thomas. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Potato objected strenuously because they didn't want their little sweet potato to marry a commentator. Common Tater. Get it?
Oh, well. It's too early in the day for my brain to work properly.
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 29, 2020 12:25:12 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 29, 2020 12:25:57 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 29, 2020 23:15:28 GMT
Considering my age, this guy doesn't look that old to me. At least 15 years younger than I am...
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Post by Rustaholic on Oct 30, 2020 9:07:54 GMT
We have a cat with no hearing at all and she meows so load at all hours of the day or night.
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