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Post by mogal on Nov 8, 2020 12:26:40 GMT
Rustaholic, I think this is a similar malady to the "selective deafness" my husband has because he only hears about half of what I say to him.
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 9, 2020 11:38:14 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 9, 2020 11:38:58 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 10, 2020 11:32:09 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 10, 2020 11:33:15 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 10, 2020 11:34:08 GMT
Oh Look, Mom’s last nerve – I want to touch it.
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Post by mogal on Nov 10, 2020 12:10:37 GMT
Oh Look, Mom’s last nerve – I want to touch it. When DH is bugging me too much, I tell him to be careful because he's about to tap dance on my last nerve. I wish I could write it with the same inflection that I use to say it. Unfortunately, my request is usually interpreted as an invitation to turn on the music.
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 11, 2020 11:31:29 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 11, 2020 11:32:26 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 12, 2020 11:31:34 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 12, 2020 11:32:24 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 13, 2020 11:35:49 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 13, 2020 11:36:55 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 14, 2020 11:14:55 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 14, 2020 11:15:54 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 15, 2020 11:24:58 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 15, 2020 11:25:39 GMT
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Post by Tallpines on Nov 16, 2020 3:46:40 GMT
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 16, 2020 11:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 16, 2020 11:58:33 GMT
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Post by mzgarden on Nov 16, 2020 13:01:54 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 17, 2020 11:29:52 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 17, 2020 11:31:41 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 18, 2020 11:31:10 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 18, 2020 11:32:09 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 19, 2020 11:09:52 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 19, 2020 11:10:51 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 20, 2020 11:28:20 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 20, 2020 11:29:44 GMT
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Post by Rustaholic on Nov 20, 2020 11:59:17 GMT
Daddy, daddy,” cried little Jack, “please come and look, my pussy cat is lying in the garden with his feet in the air and he won’t move.” Assuming the worst, dad went into the garden to take a look. “I’m sorry, son, I’m afraid Tiddles is dead.” Through his sobs, the little boy asked why the cat’s feet were sticking up in the air. Quick as a flash, dad replied, “That’s so Jesus can grab hold of them and take him up to heaven.” A few days later, dad came home from work to find Jack crying in the garden. “What’s happened, Jack?” he asked. “It’s mummy, she nearly died today, like my poor pussy cat!” “How can that be?” asked dad aghast. “I went into the summer house a little while back and mummy was there with her feet in the air shouting ‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’ Oh daddy, if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down, she would have been taken up to heaven by Jesus.”
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