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Post by Daniel on Dec 22, 2022 13:49:27 GMT
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Post by grannyg on Dec 23, 2022 16:19:45 GMT
· Shared with Public Traces of Texas
· I posted the Texas quote of the day once before but Traces of Texas reader Stan Watty requested that I post it again as he wants to read it to his family at their Christmas gathering. It's too dang funny to NOT re-post, though I do feel a little guilty about laughing at it. It needs a bit of historical background, though. Once upon a time, meaning the mid-1950s, Jules Loh, who would go on to become an award-winning writer in New York for the Associated Press, labored as a young reporter for the Waco News-Tribune. He was sent to report on a nativity pageant being staged in the rural community of Blooming Grove, Texas. This is the pageant story as seen through his eyes. The News-Tribune declined to publish this: "BLOOMING GROVE, Texas: They held the Nativity pageant here Monday night, and if it had happened in Bethlehem like it happened in Blooming Grove, Christmas would be a day sooner - or maybe not at all. For a year the good people of Blooming Grove, Barry and Emhouse, Texas, had prepared for the pageant. They practiced religiously, as it were, and sacrificed nothing to realism. The women made the costumes; the men gathered their sheep. Somebody even found myrrh. The Blooming Grove preacher, a former tent show operator called Brother Bill, arranged the setting. The manger was in an old barn. A milk cow and an old ram were tied to the manger. At the left was the inn, and at the right were the fields where shepherds, costumed and holding long crooks, were watching over their sheep by night. Brother Bill had put spotlights on both sides, which were to follow the characters as they entered. Miss Alva Taylor was the reader. As she read the Christmas story from the Bible the characters would enact the passage. However, some things got enacted that weren't exactly Biblical. The choir began to sing, the reader began to read, and the pageant was on. Out of a pasture behind the barn came Mary and Joseph on their way to enroll; Mary riding a donkey, Joseph walking beside. The donkey was balky. He kept stopping, and Joseph kept yanking at the halter. Finally, right before they got to the inn, the donkey had enough. With a grand bray, he rared back and pitched Mary right on her bundle of swaddling clothes. She lit with both legs up in the air. The audience gasped. Some of the women thought she was actually pregnant. The donkey went down on his side. Joseph thought the donkey was hurt. The donkey wouldn't get up. While Mary picked herself up, Joseph inspected the donkey's legs. He finally decided it was a too tight saddle girth that caused him to pitch. There was Mary brushing straw off her clothes, and Joseph loosening the saddle girth, and Brother Bill hollering, "For Lord's sake, get those spotlights off'em! Shine 'em on the inn!" Mary was fixing to mount up again for another try, but the saddle was too loose so she and Joseph decided to walk the rest of the way to Bethlehem. Joseph stopped at the inn and just as he was about to knock, the door opened with the innkeeper shaking his head. Mary had forgotten about the inn and was already kneeling at the manger. The ruckus didn't phase Miss Alva a bit. She kept right on reading and managed to stay about four verses ahead of the rest of the pageant. Then it came to pass for the angels to appear to the shepherds. At about the same time the spotlights shifted to the fields and the choir began with "Angels We Have Heard on High," the sheep spied that ram tied to the manger. The sheep started for the ram. The angel popped up from behind some cedar boughs and said, "Fear not!" but the shepherds were sore afraid. They were running this way and that, swatting the sheep with their crooks, trying to keep the whole flock from charging the manger. A few got away - about six. They crowded into the barn next to the ram, and began eating the straw out of the manger. Happy now, the old ram went "Baa, baa" the rest of the night, and it was somewhat disconcerting to Miss Alva. She would look over at that ram disgustedly, lose her place, find it and continue. Out of the east came the wise men, slowly, following the star. They deposited their gifts before the manger - all except one of them who had a vase and couldn't get it to stand up on the straw. Finally he got it balanced, stepped back. The old ram stepped up and kicked it over. The wise man shrugged and let it lay. Now all were in the barn - Mary, Joseph, shepherds, wise men, sheep and cow - for all to watch and meditate while the choir sang. But there was more excitement. In the middle of "Adeste Fideles," the loudspeaker went to shrieking. And during the deathly pause while it was being fixed, the old milk cow raised her tail and let loose right where somebody was sure to step in it. Then the Blooming Grove Nativity Pageant was over. "Amen," said Brother Bill, and the audience answered, "Amen."
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Post by grannyg on Jan 14, 2023 2:48:23 GMT
GREAT NEWS!!!! Just 2 more payments on my dozen of eggs and they’ll be paid off!!
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Post by mogal on Feb 13, 2023 12:26:15 GMT
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Post by mogal on Mar 7, 2023 2:09:56 GMT
Having kept goats since '78, I can SO identify with that cartoon. I wonder how long I'll continue to laugh at it. Some of my does got so tired of my lifting their tails, they would tuck them tightly and move away. I love that the subject of the conversation is a female goat keeper.
Good one, grannyg! Good one. Thank you.
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Post by grannyg on Mar 7, 2023 2:43:49 GMT
LOL...this happened in hubby's family....
Cold this morning but no ice...breakfast is done, hot sausage, biscuits, butt nuggets, and coffee....MMmmmm....I may survive hubby's funny stories...seems his Grandma Martin would stick a goat berry up her nose and blow them at the boys years ago..Oh dear me...he said she would call them smart pills and try to get the boys to put one in their mouth...if they did, they would say it tasted like crap and she would say....."See....They are working all ready, how smart you are !" His stories always end up with me spewing coffee all over myself, he is just so funny.....Love walked in one day, and Laughter lived forever at my house.....
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Post by grannyg on Mar 9, 2023 0:38:18 GMT
My weird sense of humor...I can remember those ice cold walks to the old outhouse....never had frozen toilet paper, though
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Post by grannyg on Mar 21, 2023 2:34:16 GMT
What Is Butt Dust? What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.' STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... This particular Sunday sermon... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust....' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles...
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Post by mogal on Mar 22, 2023 12:46:59 GMT
NO TIME SOON, I HOPE! Maybe next winter?
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Post by mogal on Apr 6, 2023 12:10:11 GMT
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swim trunks.
Not original so please don't throw things
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Post by mogal on May 4, 2023 14:48:44 GMT
Happy Star Wars Day to all!
May the Fourth be with you. (May the force be with you.)
Sorry, my husband's joke.
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Post by grannyg on May 29, 2023 19:32:13 GMT
Dead fly My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”
Cindy Yates, Mill Valley, California
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Post by oldone on May 30, 2023 1:20:09 GMT
Thank you. I needed a good laugh.
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Post by themotherhen on May 30, 2023 8:22:55 GMT
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Post by mogal on May 30, 2023 12:53:26 GMT
As a deer hunter who has fallen asleep in my stand, I can totally empathize with this picture. Difference is that my stand is about 12' up in a tree.
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Post by mogal on Jun 19, 2023 12:34:29 GMT
Did you know all squash are related?
Yep. They are pump--kin.
(Sorry)
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Post by bluemingidiot on Jun 24, 2023 13:37:23 GMT
I asked my wife this morning why we argue about everything?
She replied, "Well, if I agreed with you then we would both be wrong."
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Post by bluemingidiot on Jun 27, 2023 3:08:33 GMT
Stepson wrote wife that when his wife gets mad at him he buys a new fishing rod. His wife is still mad but he has a new fishing rod.
I asked my wife what could I buy whenever she got mad at me? She said she had no idea. I said, me neither, but whatever it was, I'd have a lot of them.
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Post by mogal on Aug 1, 2023 21:52:50 GMT
What kind of bikini do you wear at the zoo?
A zucchini.
Sorry. Please don't throw things.
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Post by bluemingidiot on Aug 20, 2023 21:14:22 GMT
For all who might otherwise scroll up Please scroll down. Subject: Fwd: For My High IQ Friends & Family An amazing 2 letter English word.....This is worth reading A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and preposition. UP This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n] or [v]. It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car. At other times, this little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP, because it is stopped UP. We Open UP a store in the morning, but we close it UP at night. We seem to be mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . my time is UP! Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? U P Did that one crack you UP? Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book. . . or not . . . it's UP to you. Now I'll shut UP! www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1oTD_b9hyw
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Post by mogal on Sept 15, 2023 12:18:26 GMT
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Post by Maura on Sept 15, 2023 17:16:42 GMT
Creepy! What were they cooking?
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Post by mogal on Sept 15, 2023 21:10:39 GMT
I don't have a clue but it is weird, isn't it?
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Post by grannyg on Sept 21, 2023 23:23:41 GMT
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Post by mogal on Sept 28, 2023 2:43:02 GMT
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Post by mogal on Oct 17, 2023 15:47:39 GMT
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Post by mogal on Nov 21, 2023 15:25:22 GMT
I just saw this video and it might help you folks not of the southern persuasion understand us southerners a bit better. This boy is spot on. My father went to Mississippi State and my brother went to Ole Miss. www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI2_ivhp4e8Hope all of you have much to be thankful for this holiday. I don't get too excited about Christmas because it's so commercial these days, so much pressure for it to be perfect, but Thanksgiving is MY holiday. My tradition is to incorporate as many homegrown foods into the meal as possible. This year I'm adding some of the first pecans our trees produced that the squirrels and crows didn't get first.
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Post by grannyg on Dec 18, 2023 1:58:24 GMT
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Post by bluemingidiot on Dec 27, 2023 3:07:47 GMT
Received this today from a friend in her 80s.
"About 50 years ago, we were having a Christmas party. After supper we were playing a game of charades where we were to dress up as a character from a Christmas Carol and then we were to try to guess who it was. I had laid out all kinds of robes and towels and pillows and pieces of yard goods, etc. for them to dress up in. At one point our 14-year-old son named John came strolling out in his blue jeans and T-shirt with a bed pillow stuffed under his shirt. He walked around for a while, but no one could guess who he was. Finally we had to ask him who he was. He replied, “I’m round John virgin.” Old memories are wonderful.
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Post by grannyg on Jan 1, 2024 18:12:20 GMT
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